Apartment Key

apartment keyIt was Sunday in October—the day he arrived at the hardware store and asked to have it cut, the day he fingered its nickel plated edges before placing it in her palm, before she asked if he was sure and then tucked it inside the zippered pocket of her purse, before they cha-chaed in Little Havana and spent the summer declaring thumb wars, before he lost his job and started smoking out on the fire escape, before she locked herself in the bathroom while he smashed her porcelain teacups, before she cried while abandoning it on the coffee table.

14 Responses to “Apartment Key”

  1. Carmen Edreira says:

    Well-chosen words to describe the emotions precisely, beautifully. Thank you.

  2. Janet says:

    Just a fantastic read. Well done.

  3. This is, quite simply, very good.

  4. Jayne Martin says:

    This totally knocks me out. Bravo!

  5. Jim Jones says:

    In its brief passage, your story left behind an emotional ache, and sadness. The conciseness, the relentless sequences of events, all work in its favor. Very well done.

  6. Rob Whyte says:

    Great job, Carly. A pleasure to read and think about. Thank you.

  7. laurenne says:

    I really love this whole roller coaster and the small details like the zippered pocket of her purse. Well done!

  8. Ronald Jackson says:

    Wow! Great rhythm, emotion, and writing instincts here!

  9. Brigitte S. says:

    I was immediately drawn into these lovers’ world–their courtship, exchanges and ultimately, the collapse of a relationship that had run its course. Why? We are left to ponder and extrapolate what we can–our imaginations are stirred, piqued.

    This slice of life snippet is beautifully universal and leaves the reader imagining the before, during and after of these two. Compelling and masterful with just the right amount of imagery.

  10. Luke Whisnant says:

    Great use of the single-sentence form. I like how, when he gives her the key, she asks him if he’s sure–a little hesitation there, probably because she feels unsure herself. Nice story.

  11. John Anderson says:

    Excellent…so proud of you. So easy to picture. Well done!

  12. Rick Anderson says:

    That was like a high speed roller coaster of emotion. Well done girl

  13. Samantha Anderson says:

    This is perfectly worded. I pictured it like it was happening…in a 100 words 🙂 Awesome Carly! (Hope you get your dishwasher!)

  14. Carol Vennart says:

    A whole relationship in 100 words, could have been one summer or 10 years, leaves you thinking. Very well done Carly.

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