Your Wait Time Will Be a Figure Eight

your-wait-time-will-be-a-figure-8Should you die while stuck on Hold, your confused spirit can loop indefinitely within the phone tree. Hold music continues unabated? You’re already in Hell. Breathe your last while waiting to speak to a supervisor? Please press Three, because the angels of universal customer service sympathize with your sorrows. They’re committed to your next life’s satisfaction. If you’re coming back, that is. Check our automated list. Not the same outcomes for everyone, old chum. I’m sorry, we didn’t understand your last response. Sorry but our algorithm can only do so much after paramedics find your body pressing zero. Pound. Goodbye.



Todd Mercer won the Grand Rapids Festival of the Arts Flash Fiction Award. His digital chapbook, Life-wish Maintenance, appeared at Right Hand Pointing. Mercer’s recent poetry and fiction appear in Bartleby Snopes, Eunoia Review, and Main Street Rag Anthologies.

Photo credit: Thomas Hawk

2 Responses to “Your Wait Time Will Be a Figure Eight”

  1. Jan says:


  2. Tony Press says:

    Oh, my, that’s a good one. Too true, I fear, but a delicious read all the same.

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